Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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