I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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