Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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