hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
