So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
