you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
