Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
