Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
