So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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