then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
