Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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