he thought i was a dude.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
