I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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