just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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