i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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