i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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