This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
