I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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