I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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