i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
