peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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