tell your sister to shave her snatch
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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