So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
