I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
