I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
