i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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