i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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