So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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