I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize