she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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