Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
