A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
