i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize