I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have post one night stand depression
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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