i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize