I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
