I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found your dick twin last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
