He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
