i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
