You're my little dorito
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
