I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
