I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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