my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
