I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
