Soap is not a condiment
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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