i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
