Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
