All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
