my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize