My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
