Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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