Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
