the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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