i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
3 2 1 whiskey
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
