he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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