My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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