I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
