so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
is it fun? or sober?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
