you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
