I'm jealous of your bromance
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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