my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
