Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
