There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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