just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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